This is not autobiographical... it is the story of Cory
All that day I had dreaded the appointment. I had been sick for too long but had neglected to tell anyone at home or at work. Each day I just hoped and prayed it would go away. The pain in my stomach and the lump under my arm should have told, but I guess I was in denial. One should not be that sick at my age, I thought. And maybe it wasn't a real lump.
Finally I could wait no longer. The pain was persistent. When after the tests the doctor told me the truth, I was calmer than I thought I would be. I listened intently as best I could, though other thoughts churned within me. I was not likely to live long, I thought, though the doctor did not quite say that, he only focused on "aggressive treatment options".
It was that word "aggressive" which made it clear to me how dire my situation was. On the drive home my thoughts raced and mixed with prayer; and a verse from Proverbs I had written into my missal and Bible a long time ago, "trust in the LORD with all thine heart and lean not on thy own understanding" (3:5).
My mother cried when I told her, which scared me a little. My father just looked sad and then began asking the usual questions. But as we talked and listened I kept repeating the words "trust...lean not... on thine own understanding".
I cannot possibly tell you how much that word helps me. When I am alone at night and sometime have a moment of panic I repeat it and meditate on Jesus, Our Lady, the saints, and Heaven. Once I panicked when I thought of my sins and wondered about Purgatory, but our priest showed us how to receive a plenary indulgence, so simple and wonderful a grace for so very little...And when other little panics come to me and I shake I meditate on Jesus in Gethsemane and sometimes get up to touch the Cross, to embrace and be embraced. One time not long ago when our priest had come he gave me a beautiful card. On it were the words of St. Paul:
"Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither hath it entered into the heart of man, what things God hath prepared for them that love him. 10 But to us God hath revealed them, by this Spirit. For the Spirit searcheth all things, yea, the deep things of God."---1 Corinthians 2:9
Those words were another gift. He also told me the beautiful parable of Carlo Caretto about a babe in a mother's womb afraid to leave its safety and warmth, afraid to be born into another dimension, as we all were. I had never thought of that and it made a great impression on me. Born again by faith and baptism into another world, trusting all the way from one world to the next. Father said, "in the scripture death is often compared to sleep, because, in a sense we do close our eyes to this world, to emerge into the Light of eternal Life, Jesus, face to Face when we have made our peace, said our last Yes to Him, here in time.
I don't know how much time I have. But every night the prayer from my childhood comes back to me: "Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep; and if I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take".
Note: If you have a story of Hope to share, I would be grateful.
--->"Ignorance of the scriptures is ignorance of Christ"---St. Jerome; and here